When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Soundboard of Samuel L Jackson
Soundboard of Adam Sandler
Andrew Dice Clay has one of the dirtiest stand up comedian acts around.
Here is a good soundboard made from the Racist insane phone calls and messages Mel Gibson left on his girlfriend's answering machine.
Soundboard of Cheech and Chong