Posted: 1/5/2011 12:00:00 AM
15. I will not eat other animals poop.
14. I will not lick my humans face after eating animal poop.
13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when Im lying under the coffee table.
12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.
9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.
8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
7. Hamster: Dont let them figure out Im just a rat on steroids, or theyll flush me!
6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.
5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.
3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!
January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.
2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOTS HAND