Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent: Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work: Press 2
To complain about what we do: Press 3
To swear at staff members: Press 4
To ask why you didnt get information that has already been enclosed in your newsletter and several fliers that have been mailed to you: Press 5
If you want us to raise your child: Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone: Press 7
To request another teacher (for the third time this year): Press 8
To complain about bus transportation: Press 9
To complain about school lunches: Press 0
If you realize this is the real world, and your child must be accountable and responsible for his or her own behavior, class work, homework and that its not the teachers fault for your childs lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!
If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.