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Point System...for men

Posted: 2/2/2010 12:00:00 AM
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You dont get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, thats the way the game is played: it doesnt do any good to complain about the rules.

Simple Duties
You make the bed (+1)
But forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty (0)
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom (-2)

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
In the snow (+8)
But return with beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (1)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+10)
You pummel it with a six iron (+10 more)
Its her toy poodle (-50)

Social Engagements At a Party
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy (-2)
Named Tiffany (-5)
Whos now a dancer (-10)
She spends the entire time telling you about her new implants (-15)

Her Birthday
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and its not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
And its all-you-can-eat night (-3)
Its a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted in all of the colors of your favorite sports team (-10)

You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+5)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
Its called DeathCop 9 (-3)
Which features cyborgs that eat humans (-9)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

Your Physique
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesnt matter, you have one too." (-80)

Communication: When she wants to talk about a problem
You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+50)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-20)

The Big Question: She asks, "Do I look fat?"
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
You reply, "Compared to what?" (-50)
Any other response (-20)

For every 100 points earned, you get to have sex with her. During that act...

You perform foreplay (0)
You have the houseboy do the foreplay (5)
She has an orgasm (0)
Its over when you have an orgasm (-500)
You unfold a Playboy centerfold over her face (-5 million -- you will never have sex again)
Tags:  women  men  duties 
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