"If you run, youll only go to jail tired."
"The handcuffs are tight because theyre new. Theyll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"So, you dont know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"No sir, we dont have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now were allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"Warning! You want a warning? Okay, Im warning you not to do that again or Ill give you another ticket."
"Lifes tough, its tougher if youre stupid."
"In God we trust, all others are suspects."