Top One Liner Jokes of 2014

Posted: 1/3/2015 11:36:30 AM
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.

What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck.

But do you know what 6.9 is? A good thing screwed up by a period.

What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced.

Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"? About three inches.

What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

Why are women like KFC? After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Did you hear about the gay security guard who got fired from his job at the sperm bank? He got caught drinking on the job.

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn't close his casket.

If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are... you have small boobs.

Are you a Nice girl or Good girl?: NICE girls blush when they watch porn, GOOD girls smile cause they know they can do better.

If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now.

Three words to ruin a man's ego...? "Is it in?"

Why did the snowman smile? Because the snowblower is coming.

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Why did God give men penises? So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

The only reason the term 'Ladies first' was invented was for the guy to check out the woman's ass.

I'd like to think inside your box.

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

I'm as bored as a slut on her period.

I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.

Blind man walks into a bar... And a table, and a chair.

The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.

Why can't blondes count to 70? Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

I was at a restaurant and I noticed my waitress had a black eye. So I ordered very sloooowly because obviously she doesn't listen.

Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.

What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Did you hear about the blind prostitute? Well, you got to hand it to her.

What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs? Nice tits!

Einstein used science to get laid; that guy is a genius...I've been using money.

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