Dirty One Liner Jokes

Posted: 5/29/2016 9:30:05 AM
Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice

Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
A: Your job still sucks!

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A: a $100 bill!

Q: Whats long and hard and has cum in it?
A: a cucumber

Q: How do you kill a circus clown?
A: Go for the juggler!

Q: Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
A: They couldn't close his casket.

Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter?
A: Eve, because she made Adams banana stand

Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle?
A: Because his wife died!

Q: What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A: a rip off

Q: Why did the snowman smile?
A: Because the snowblower is coming.

Girl: "Hey, what's up?"
Boy: "If I tell you, will you sit on it?"

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

Q: Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican?
A: They steal all the green cards.

Q: Why don't orphans play baseball?
A: They don't know where home is

Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!

Q: How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck?
A: When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them

Q: What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut?
A: Tug-of-whore.

Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.

Q: Why do they call it PMS?
A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken

Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
A: Pick him up and suck on his cock!

Q: What's slimy cold long and smells like pork?
A: Kermit the frogs finger

Q: What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde?
A: You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!

Q: What do preists and Mcdonalds have in common?
A: They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns

Q: What do you call a white guy surrounded by 9 black guys?
A: Steve Nash.

Q: Why can't Jesus play hockey?
A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
A: Because their plugged into a genius!

Q: Did you guys hear about the cannibal that made a bunch of businessmen into Chili?
A: I guess he liked seasoned professionals.

Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
Q: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q: Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
A: For fingering A minor.

Q: Three words to ruin a man's ego...?
A: "Is it in?"

Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

Q: Why don't black people go on cruises?
A: They already fell for that trick once.

Q: What has got two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a dog!

Q: What do you call an afghan virgin
A: Mever bin laid on

Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.

Q: What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
A: E.T. eventually went home!

Q: Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
A: Because the 'p' is silent

Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A: A lickalotopis

Q: What’s the difference between being hungry and horny?
A: Where you put the cucumber.

Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?
A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?

Q: Did you hear about the celebrity murderer?
A: He was shooting for the stars.

Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.

Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
A: Because he was looking for Pooh

Q: Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A: Ate something

Q: What kind of bees produce milk?
A: Boobies

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